If you are single, engaged, married, widowed or divorced, have you ever wondered what it truly means to become one? If so, journey with me as we unfold the truth about becoming one. After being counseled, attending singles ministry, sitting in numerous marriage ministry meetings, retreats and small groups I often wondered to myself; what does it truly mean to become one. I understand that the scripture states in Matthew 19:6 that they are no longer two, but one flesh, but what does that truly mean. Then the scripture goes on to state that what God has joined together, let no man separate. Now this alone is a power pack scripture that is oftentimes never explained in detail but is supposed to be automatically understood once you say I do.
Several singles have approached me and asked me the question, how do you prepare for marriage? What does it mean to be one? They often state I am consistently attending singles ministry, but no one is preparing me to be married. I know the fundamentals of remaining abstinent, never allowing myself to get in a position that will cause me to fornicate and only date/court if it is leading to marriage, etc; but how do I prepare for marriage? They state there is no ministry that is a bridge from singleness to marriage. Therefor we are forced to go into a marriage blind folded with the expectation to stay together until death do us part.
I would suggest, first get to know you by discovering who you are in God. Establish a solid foundation with God; where you not only know of Him, but you KNOW him. Seek to learn the generational curses you have inherited. Seek to know your likes and your dislikes. Discover your purpose in life. Love yourself without approval of others. Be confident in who you are according to God’s description of you and not what everyone has to say about you. Ask yourself, why do I want to get married? Seek to discover if your desire is God’s desire for marriage or is it based on a fairytale that you have seen on television or read about in a magazine. Make sure your viewpoint of marriage is God’s blueprint of marriage defined in scripture. For example, don’t desire to marry because you need sex, you are infatuated with the wedding or the ring, you want to live happily ever after or you just want someone to grow old with, etc. Desire to marry because it is God’s design. Marry on purpose according to God’s will for both of your lives. Marriage is for God’s glory and for His purpose for the kingdom! Therefor what He has joined together, let no man or woman separate. Keyword here- what God has joined together. We will discuss this in post to come. I would also suggest reading “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It is very important to know what your primary and secondary love languages are. This will enable you to explain to your spouse how you desire to be loved in the future. After marriage, take the quiz together and practice loving each other accordingly. If you have not read this before and you are married, divorced or widowed desiring marriage again, I also suggest this book to you as well. This may seem like you have heard it all before, but I guarantee you if you ask anyone that is married or has ever been married and they are honest with themselves, they too will agree that it saves a lot of heartache when you know yourself, understand yourself, and love yourself, then and only then can you love someone else. Hurt people, hurt people. Broken people will break others. Dysfunctional love of self will create unrealistic expectations on others to fulfill that are impossible. Whole people create whole oneness; and that is the key to this post- two becoming one.
After you are making strides on discovering who you are, my next response is if you feel there is no opportunity to prepare you for marriage where you are seeking guidance, then search the scriptures on marriage, read books on marriage according to scripture about becoming one. Attend marriage seminars to get educated on what married couples deal with. I wouldn’t recommend attending a marriage retreat; however a seminar that is normally a day long with different topics that you have to sign up for, why not. This is where you have to be bold to learn about what you desire. Of course, attend where this is welcomed. I have attended a marriage conference where singles, engaged couples, widows and divorcees were invited to attend. I was so excited when I saw the requirements of participation included these categories. It was a very wise ministry if you ask me. In other words never wait to receive what you desire. If you are not comfortable attending the conference in person, listen to conferences and seminars online that speak on how to prepare for marriage to become one. I would add, pray before you listen to any speaker to ensure it is what God would have you inject into your spirit for wise counsel on marriage. If you want to be prepared, be responsible to prepare yourself. Seek wise counsel from a Godly couple that truly understands what it means to be one and truly gleam from them. Seek spirit lead counsel and let their opinions be just that, opinions. God will let you know what to digest. Pray before you meet with them so you know what to take in, what to store and what to let go of. With that in mind, also pray for what couple you should meet with because not all couples will provide the counsel you need. Remember every marriage has a purpose and every marriage will not fulfill the similar purpose you and your spouse are set out to complete together. If your parents are a good example, you have had 1 on 1 training since you were old enough to remember. Here too I also state, duplicate the positive and learn from the negative.
This is the end of part 1 of becoming one. If you would like to read part 2, visit again within the next few days for part 2 to be posted. Part 2 will define the importance of knowing who you are and your purpose in life as you prepare to become one with another human being. Don’t forget to leave comments and share with others. Comments help improve my content for my audience. Happy reading… Until the next time, love yourself…