Mark 10:8-10 New King James Version (NKJV)

…and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Marriage generates a great will to survive in this day and age because there is so much negativity, lack of discipline, lack of respect from others, true mentorship, follow through of biblical principles, examples to follow, etc. What role do you play in the marriages close to you? Are you a hindrance or a help? Do you speak life or death? Do you encourage or discourage? Do you edify or tear down? Do your thoughts and nonverbal actions develop jealousy and envy or do you provoke love? Do you manipulate your love ones or do you truly provide Godly wisdom? These are just a few things to consider before you think or speak about two individuals that are in covenant with each other.

Let’s dive into some hard facts; the process of two becoming one. You have two individuals from two different upbringings from possibly two different family structures and traditions coming together as one to create new traditions, beliefs, lifestyles, values and a family. Some with lack of instructions on how to survive first of all together before everyone else impose their thoughts and opinions on what’s best for them and how things should be. Manipulation and self inflicted desires from those close to you can be a great downfall before you get started if not handled properly from a Godly perspective. Remember according to scripture, faith comes by hearing. Be mindful of who is in your ear the first 5 years of your marriage because if you are not careful; they may be leading you to divorce before you even get started.

• Seek Godly counsel monthly

Pray together

Read the scripture together about marriage

Turn a deaf ear to opinions without substance

Have the hard discussions

Get naked together physically and verbally

Becoming one means we are a united front together! To see us as individuals when it comes to making decisions is a distorted view of who we are as a unit. To seek decisions from one without considering the other spouse is selfish. Never encourage side bar discussions about money, visitations, child disciplines, vacations, etc. without speaking to both spouses. If the other spouse is unavailable during the discussion, consider time for the two to discuss and respect their joint decision in the end. Applying your selfish desires on your family member without considering how the spouse feels about the situation is creating separation. Avoid your opinions about their marriage and lead them to prayer and scripture.

Communicate daily. Never allow someone else to know more about you than your spouse. As for me and my house we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15). This is the deciding factor for a believer’s household. Create your set boundaries, beliefs, traditions, values, and principles on how your house should run in agreement together. Once agreed, do not compromise unless you both agree to compromise. If someone disagrees with your foundation, defend immediately. This is a violation of oneness. We hear the words leave and cleave when it comes to marriage and that is just what it is. Leave, cleave then weave in the sight of Yahweh. Many can admit, if they exercised these principle(s) then divorce would not have been an option. It is in the weaving that generates the most pain that leads to successful gain. Mom or dad’s values may not work for your household. Traditions created before marriage may not be beneficial for your purpose as a joint unit. Child rearing decisions may not be adequate for the gifts you have been given from Yahweh to train. Financial decisions prior to marriage may not be the best principles to continue. Sexual encounters with your spouse is not everyone’s business. Spending more time with your friends and your family members than with your spouse is selfish. I am not saying it is unhealthy to spend time with your family and friends, what I am saying is if your spouse is neglected for the benefit of spending time with others, then this is a problem. It is these lifestyle changes that require joint, consistent communication and agreement that keeps a stable foundation stable. One small crack in these areas of your foundation can destroy the entire unit.

Godly wise counsel whether it be your mom and dad, pastors, counselors, mentors or friends; should always derive from a positive reflection of reminding the couple that what God has joined together, let no man separate, not even them. Each marriage has a purpose and the enemy is always willing to destroy it. Yahweh hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Hindsight; it is the ones closest to us if not managed appropriately can separate you from the best thing that ever happened to you. By all means the marriage I am discussing is a marriage put together by God.

Separation is defined as the action or state of being moved apart. To separate, there must be an action. There must be something or someone generating the division. The current position or mindset you are in at the time can also breed separation. If you are selfish, bitter, depressed, angry, confused, double minded, immature, and misguided you can develop separation. You may be the underlining factor that is separating your marriage. You are both Yahweh’s children and he desires for you to love, cherish, honor, submit and respect your spouse at ALL times. Lust and lack of discipline are two destroyers of trust. It is at these crossroads you must seek help and guidance immediately and be willing to communicate this with your spouse honestly and wholeheartedly. Never be embarrassed to seek help together so you can heal together. Pride destroys a marriage worth fighting for. This is also apart of the weaving process because you have to work through the difficult times to grow together. This is the strengthening and discipline it takes to eliminate separation and truly become one. Your weakness is your spouses strength and together you are strong. Remember the key is to uphold the sacredness of the covenant and not allow anyone to put you asunder or separate; even if it is you!

Create boundaries for sacredness, healthy communication and unity and establish an assured solid foundation!