The Power To Heal From Hurt!

As we journey through this thing called life, at some point, we will experience some level of hurt. This hurt can derive from anyone; your spouse, self, parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, managers, pastors or even friends and strangers. This list is not limited, it goes on and on. Hurt is hurt. Some will say some hurt is deeper than others, but at the end of the day there is a healing process.

Given the opportunity to manage and facilitate a women’s small group and co lead a marriage small group with my husband, I have listened to the stories of hurt and the lasting affects it has on the individual. Not only through the small groups have I heard the stories of hurt but just meeting people and having them share their story, I have come to realize that there are all forms of hurt. I too have experienced hurt; not once but many times throughout my life. Each time it was a process to get through.

There is hurt from a parent not wanting you, a parent abusing you, a family member raping you at a young age, a sibling making you feel less than who you really are, a friend betraying you, your very first relationship breakup, a teacher informing you that you will never amount to anything, a spouse cheating on you, the death of a loved one, church leaders mismanaging you, and the list goes on and on. The hurt has no respecter of persons. It is often stated that hurt people hurt people. I must agree with this statement.

After experiencing several bouts of hurt, I began to ask myself, do people wake up each day and say to themselves what can I do to hurt someone today. I couldn’t understand how people could genuinely hurt others. It wasn’t until after having a relationship with Yahweh that my perspective began to change. I began to understand that there is a root cause to all decisions and most of the time it is because they are hurting too or are suffering from some form of insecurity.

After reaching that level of understanding, once I began to experience hurt from someone, I immediately stopped before responding and went into prayer to discover what was the origin of this intentional hurt. Hurt is defined as unhappiness or sadness caused by someone’s words or actions. The hurt I elaborate on today is not only derived by physical pain but internal emotional damage. The Holy Spirit is truly a helper in these situations. I consult the Holy Spirit for guidance. For example, I spoke to someone that was dealing with hurt from an absent father in their child’s life. They could not understand why their baby daddy would abandon them. There was disappointment after disappointment. He didn’t show up to any of their games, birthday parties, and even maintained broken promises etc. I asked her did she ever have a serious conversation with him to understand his actions even though they were not acceptable by her? She said she never thought about that because her greatest anger was towards his absence. After conversations with him years later, it was discovered that his dad wasn’t present in his life and he had no clue how to be a father so he reverted to his dads ways out of fear of not being good enough. In other words, hurt people hurt people. Even though he vowed not to do that to his kids, he ended up becoming a victim to the cycle. It doesn’t heal the disappointment from her or her child but it generated understanding. It took a serious conversation outside of just asking him to participate in an event; to just talking to see where he was mentally. Believe it or not he struggled with his absence from his dad as a child on a daily basis. Even as a grown man he still yearned for a relationship from his dad. Instead of facing his fears and truly breaking the cycle; he chose to run away from responsibility. He agreed to try and start a relationship with his child but for her to be patient with him.

Her hurt caused her to lose trust in men and even trust dating again. The hurt from her child’s father’s absence created a spiraling effect for her future relationships. Hurt not dealt with will create bondage and her bondage was fear to trust another man.

This story confirms that hurt people hurt people and sometimes they don’t even realize they are the cause of hurt to other people. Before you can nurture another person you must first heal from your past and current hurts. She said the signs were there when she announced that she was pregnant; however she thought that it was due to the fear of him being a first time parent. There was distance and resistance for him to participate in doctor appointments. Needless to say she became a single parent the instant she found out she was pregnant while holding on to the faith that things would change with him. The Bible states hope deferred makes the heart sick. (Proverbs 13:12). It is the fulfillment of what’s hoped for that creates trust. Once she realized the cycle; she decided it would end with him and not continue with her son. She realized that all men are not the same and she is willing to date again. Her dating will be different. She did not seek God in that relationship. Whether your hurt is from rejection, fear, abandonment, etc. there is opportunity for healing and recovery.

Below is the process of healing:

• Acknowledge that there is hurt.
• Determine the origin of the hurt.
• Determine what state of mind the person was in when they initiated the hurt.
• Forgive yourself.
• Forgive the other person.
• Communicate your hurt through therapy and counseling.
• Never let the hurt remain unspoken because it becomes negative energy.
• Give it to Yahweh and let Him restore you in the area you are weak.
• Finally once you are fully healed; help someone else.

You know you are healed when you can see the person that hurt you and they no longer have a lasting effect on you. Your growth is developed when you can love the one who hurt you and pray for them all at the same time. The greatest challenge is forgiving even when an apology is never given. Remember it is not the person, but the spirit leading the person that hurt you even if they are unaware of their actions. The other person has control when you are still living in the hurt and replaying it over and over daily.

It is surviving through your pain that creates the strongest you. If I had never been through anything, I would not have a testimony. If I had never been hurt, I would have never known that Yahweh is a healer. Had I never lost anything, I wouldn’t have known that Yahweh is a restorer. Yahweh is everything we need in our present time of help. You are never alone and there is a place of healing if you are willing to reveal it. It is in the revealing that the healing takes place.