Today is a day set aside to honor military spouses. We sincerely see our brothers and sisters in uniform and we say thank you for your service and my God do they deserve it! We are honored as spouses to support alongside them for their journey. When they say I do to any branch of military; it becomes their life and everyone else closely connected to them. This is not an easy task; nor is it for the faint at heart!
I met my husband after he said yes to the Airforce for many years. Within those years he had been many places and had experience many things. Before we decided to marry I had to understand that my life would never be the same and my career would revolve around his career. The question was, are you up for the challenge and do you think you can manage being a military spouse. Not only was that a question; it was also can you handle the mantle that comes with being Mr. Williams wife!
Today I want you to take a journey with me as I shed a little light on the life of a military spouse of an active duty/reserve/guard service member. Within our early years of marriage the Lord knew I was not ready to leave SC or my family. I had a close bond with my family and I enjoyed the comfort of their closeness. However I said yes to being a military spouse. I also said yes to the call of being Mr. Williams wife/helpmate. For 8 years of marriage the Lord allowed me to enjoy the safety net of being a military spouse within the same state and not having to relocate or endure a deployment. I met several spouses along this journey and I also have military spouse family members that shared many stories and testimonies with me. I was always wowed by their strength and tenacity to live through their commitments because I never had the honor to live in my own story of deployment and relocation. It wasn’t until after 8 years of marriage, I began to live my story of a military wife!
My husband was deployed for 6 months and I was 7 months pregnant about to reach my 40th birthday within 2 months. Two pivotal moments in my life. We already had a 6 year old and a 3 year old so I was about to have our 3rd child. Keep in mind we had never been apart that long since we were married outside of 2 weeks here and there. It was then I had to face the fact that when military calls my husband, he must answer and I have to hold the home down while he is away. All the things he used to do that I did not have to do, I now had to do. I was in my third trimester. We agreed on a birth plan and wrote out how he would call via messenger or FaceTime to witness the birth of our daughter. Each child he was always with me the entire time and was the one that bought me home from the hospital. The kids were too young to understand their daddy was leaving for a couple of months and was too far away to drive home every day. Everyone that know us know that we are a very close knit family and my husband and I are best friends. We rode to work together, worked together, rode home together and still hung out together after work with our kids and still enjoyed it daily. We sat down and told the babies that daddy was leaving for a while and we would have to love on each other in his absence.
The time came and we all went to the airport together and had dinner for the last time together in the airport. Paul played with the kids and we even stayed at the airport to watch his plane take off. I informed the kids when you can’t see the plane anymore we know that daddy is headed to work far far away and we have to pray for him daily for a safe return back to us.
Let’s begin the emotional side effects of a military spouse. The crying started every morning and every night before bed for their dad. Every day on the way home from school they expected daddy to be home. Even though technology allowed for Facebook messenger calls, it never replaced the yearning the kids had to want to be with their dad daily. Not only do you deal with your kids missing their dad or mom, you have to embrace the change also while being strong for them while inside you may be breaking down.
Two months go by and I am awaken at 4:00am in the morning to a major cramp that ran from my stomach through to my lower thigh. It was so sharp I sat straight up in the bed. My birth plan was to call my cousin to take me to the hospital and take the kids to school for me. I got up and started getting the kids bags together for their snacks all while contracting walking up and down 15 stairs making as less sound as I could to not awake the babies. Within 10 minutes my contractions were 15 minutes apart. I call my cousin to tell her I was in labor only yo call her back in less than 10 minutes to let her know my contractions are now 3 minutes apart. She said I can’t make it in time; we are going to have to call the ambulance. I called my mom and told her I was in labor. She was over an hour away and said I am on my way. I managed to lay down on the sofa while contracting and called 911 myself to discover my cousin had already called and they were still on the phone with her. The kids were still asleep. As soon as my cousin made it to the house, the ambulance arrived also. I never got to see my older babies before school because I had to get to the hospital as soon as possible. My cousin dressed my babies for me and took them to school for me explaining where their mommy was. My water broke in the ambulance and they did the IV in the ambulance. I called my husband to inform him what was happening and he did not have a signal. I held it together through all of the pain alone without my husband. Once I got to the hospital they only had time to take me off the bed in the ambulance to the bed in triage. I asked for an epidural and they said ma’am you are fully dilated and the baby head is in my hands almost. Two pushes and Anjel was here. My mom missed the birth also. It all happened so fast I scared myself. Once they placed her on my chest, my husband called and he said Nooooooooo did I miss it? I said yes. I explained the entire process to him and he was so hurt. She looked just like him. I spent each night in the hospital alone with the baby while my mom had the other two kids. They visited me everyday. My husband and I talked daily several times throughout the day. Before my 6 weeks of recovery I was taking the older kids to and from school. Life still existed. Thank God for 12 weeks of paid maternity leave. Now I had 3 babies to take care of without my husband physically. I celebrated my 40th birthday on the 7th and Anjel was born on the 12th. I wanted to be very detailed because I wanted you to get a visual of what a military spouse may have to endure while her husband is deployed. This could very well be the opposite that a husband has to raise a newborn on his own while the wife is deployed or a baby may be left behind because the parent has to deploy and is recently divorced. The scenarios go on and on.
Not only do we have the possibility of delivering a child without them; we have to also deal with relocating. We have to endure finding schools for the kids to attend in a new state and also finding a place to stay in a new state. The kids endure the missing of their friends and family. They endure the anxiety of always starting a new school and having to make new friends. Most of the time there is no family there. You have to be ok with starting over if you are a working spouse or be blessed to transfer if your job is in the new city. Many military wives become stay at home moms or become entrepreneurs. This is definitely not for the clingy spouse that can not live without the presence of his or her spouse while they are on duty. You must have a sound mind to maintain the duties of both roles in their absence and sometimes without the help of family because they are not in the same state with you.
This is where you gain family across the world. Because we all know what it feels like to relocate as a military family, we begin to gain family all across the world. Thank God for Facebook and the military spouse groups now because you can ask about the state before you get there and establish a network ahead of time.
Being a military family; you get to see the world. You get discounts at several places. There is free benefits to theme parks and so much more. You gain friends all across the world. You meet families of all nationalities. The children become exposed to a versatile life that is forever changing. They learn to adapt to travel and they learn to appreciate different parts of the world. They are more resilient than we know. As much as I appreciated being close to my family, taking the leap to be susceptible to leave was a pivotal moment in my life. I opened my life up to a whole new world. I began to see Yahweh’s glory in other parts of the world. I learn to worship Yahweh in different elements of His glory! Moving really does expand your viewpoint of life. Despite the anxiety of relocation, I look forward to it each time. It is like a new adventure each time. Despite the many obstacles you may face; there is always a joy to be discovered in the process.
Now that you have a glimpse of the endurance it takes to be a military spouse, let me take the time to say- Happy Military Spouse’s Day family! You are a real MVP! You hold things together when there is no one to hold you together! You establish a backbone you don’t know you have until you have no other choice but to do it! So today I say congratulations for not loosing your mind and for remaining strong through it ALL!
Thanks for taking this journey with me and I look forward to sharing many more military stories with you in the future…