No Perfect Moms

As a little girl, I always dreamed of having children one day. I gravitated to the children in my family and wanted to hold them when I was old enough to hold them. Growing up with a brother I was the oldest. I had the privilege to assist in being the protective sister. It was never a desire for me to want kids without a husband, but I knew one day I wanted a family of my own. Some of my friends had kids in school and that was never a desire for me. As I entered college, I still had a love for babies but no desire to have one of my own at this stage in my life. Once I married my husband, kids was still not the first thing I wanted to produce from my marriage. I wanted to get to know my husband and enjoy having a best friend to share life with. Unfortunately I was not as young as I desired when I got married; however I knew that we were not going to wait forever to try and have kids, but I needed some time to prepare myself for the responsibility.

As you have read in my previous post, my husband and I were pregnant on our one year anniversary. All sorts of thoughts went through my head. Do I know how to be responsible for someone else, will I have enough money to take care of him, will I have enough patience, etc. All of these thoughts flooded my head. I had my mom, my grandmother, aunts, cousins, friends and ministry family that all had children that I could gleam advice from and were successful in raising them. The thing I kept hearing over and over was “there is no perfect mom”. As a mom you always want the best for your children. I would always hear it will all come natural. Due to the love I had for children already, I knew that I would love my babies unconditionally and there was no doubt that I would spoil them. I also desired more than one.

The moment I laid eyes on our son I was in love and I was willing to do whatever it took to make sure he knew he had two loving parents that truly adored him. With much prayer, wise counsel and constant discussions with my husband, these were the principles we agreed to utilize as parents.

• Seek God for instructions on how to raise His child He has gifted us with.
• Study the scriptures for what God’s word states about raising children.
• Tune our ears to Godly counsel from others and not traditional techniques only.
• Trust the Holy Spirit to lead us when we have no reference point.

As soon as our son was born, many people had an opinion on how we should raise him. My husband and I gently appreciated the advice but would boldly decently and in order let others know that their traditions were not acceptable if they did not line up with the Word of God. Every child is gifted differently and serve a unique purpose in the earth realm that should be nurtured accordingly. My husband and I wanted to contribute to being a generational blessing and not a generational curse to a child that we were only borrowing to train for a season. They too are children of God just as we are. You can not speak to what you do not have the capacity to understand. It is the traditions of men that have crippled the gifts within us even as adults because we were not managed properly and were abused and misunderstood due to lack of understanding. We knew we would make mistakes and we were both aware that it was even ok to apologize to our children when we made a mistake.

No matter how hard I tried, I would never be the perfect mom to either of my kids, but what I could do was love them unconditionally, train them up in the word, discover their gifts and talents and place them in an environment that would be conducive to develop them, nurture them to ensure their needs were always met, create memories with them that would last a lifetime and protect them at all cost from evil. We wanted to teach them to pray for themselves and love others despite how they are treated from others. We also encouraged them to be expressive to let us know how they feel and speak on the things they think about on a daily basis. We wanted to raise a generation that is free to be themselves and not live behind the shadows of bondage and insecurity but live in confidence in knowing whose they are, who they are and their purpose in life so that the world could not define them. We as parents should let our kids know that we do not have all the answers and we may make some mistakes along the way with raising you and ask that you forgive us when we do because at the end of the day they have feelings too. What we develop as children become adults. If we take the time to admit, some of the things we struggle with today were generated from abuse, neglect, misunderstandings etc. from our childhood.

We knew that many people may not have agree with the way we chose to raise our children, but at the end of the day it is my husband and I that will have to give an account for how we trained God’s gifts to us. Moms don’t feel guilty for protecting your children from the ignorance of others even if it is family or close friends. Having three now, I have learned so much along the years and I am still learning daily. The one thing I do know is that the Holy Spirit will lead you on how to raise God’s children if you quiet yourself to listen. Each one of my kids have a different love language and need a different part of me to survive. What works for one child does not work for the other and what discipline works for one child may not necessarily work for the other child and everyone may not understand that. To train each child the same hinders the ability for that child to fully develop into who they are to become. Your environment shapes the reality for a child’s existence. Moms you are not a bad parent for wanting a break from your kids. You are not a bad parent for disciplining your children for bad behavior. You are not a bad parent if you and your spouse take dates consistently without the kids. You are also not a bad parent if you do not make the right decision at first and make mistakes. It is called growing and developing. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. Remember you are not a perfect mom, but you are the best mom to your children when you seek God on how to raise them.

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